Almost a year ago today – in fact around the time Covid hit I started a weekly schedule for myself. I laid out a strict spreadsheet of daily exercise, meditation, planning my music works to fit into my schedule. Attending countless webinars on various things. I really learnt the importance of scheduling and felt so satisfied ticking off three to four things I had achieved daily. I look back over the year and am proud of how hard I have worked, how much I have learnt and how much I have progressed as a person in terms of self-development. However, the most important thing I did throughout it all was show myself love.
I call it ‘self-love Sundays’.
A day that is filled with love, just for yourself. A day just for you to do anything you like. A day to be kind to you, to talk nicely to yourself in the mirror. To do anything that you feel like doing - even if it is sitting in your Pj's all day! Sitting and taking a moment to reflect. Listening to you and your body and following that feeling. Being kind to yourself first and foremost. Giving yourself the day off from the gym, from worrying about anything to do with your job or side hustle or passion project. A day off from eating healthily - cheat day! A day focussed around the things that you love to do. Like lay ins, late brunches and coffee in bed. A day to connect with family and loved ones. All of those little joys that nourish your soul and make you feel good. Perhaps a green juice, or a morning yoga practise - whatever floats your boat! I will never judge you. You do you.
Increasingly I found that these days were actually the days that my creative writing & songwriting would flourish. I could get into such a creative space for myself. Listening to my body & what it needed. Possibly taking a bath, relaxing my muscles or drinking hot tea and reading a book in the afternoon. I was certainly enjoying not waking up hungover like I did all throughout my 20’s!
Self-love is something I have over time learnt to master and I cannot stress the importance of it. Once you learn to light yourself from within and give yourself the love you need you see things so differently, so clearly, your mindset shifts. I am now kind to myself, I judge myself far less than I used to, and overall I am in a much more fulfilling place. I eat better foods, I treat my body with respect, I work-out almost daily. I have zero interest in binge drinking. I feel enough, I feel valued and I have a new found self-confidence in return.
I push hard during the week but we all need to give ourselves some time – each day or each week. Trust me – after working on yachts for 10 years I pushed my self-love, my emotions etc to one side completely then during the off time I binged on hedonsitic luxuries. The life I was living was extremely unbalanced and out of sync. Since then I have learnt to invite it into my daily life and bring in more balance throughout. I am kind to myself. I see myself in a different light.
Why is self-love so important?
If you don’t love yourself then how can you attract anybody else to you?
I am a huge believer in the law of attraction. With self-love comes self-care, self-respect, self-discipline. If we respect ourselves we treat ourselves nicely and follow the foods or things that make us feel good inside and out. Then we emit that love to the world. Right now the World needs kinder people. So be kind to yourself and be kind to others.
I actually read an article I shared on my linked in earlier today about the importance of new working attitudes to a better work life balance and how people are thriving on working less, yet with a better rate of productivity. More time for themselves, health and loved ones.
After years of soul searching the math was right there in front of me. Being self-aware. Relying on yourself for your own destiny and your own goals and your own dreams. You may feel you are not enough or have had your heart broken several times – that is the true strength of character – things that make us stronger as we overcome the pain - but you reflect on the past and you keep seeking improvement overcoming challenges and fears… that is how we grow. How we grow stronger.
We often think to ourselves - how did it go wrong? Where did it go wrong? How can I or the relationship be better next time? How do I take my life to the next step? How do I get over my fear of X.Y or Z?
Striving for more from yourself. Placing huge amounts of pressure on yourself. Give yourself a break. Things don’t happen overnight. Changes and transformations don’t happen overnight and as I have been constantly reminded this last year with my impatience of wanting to do so much all at once – Rome was not built in a day. Consistency and self-love keep you on the right path though.
I must admit to you all that I secretly thrive on a break up because this time of pain is actually a time for true self-absorbed reflection and focus for your new direction. A chance to re-align your identity and your goals in life. A chance to be selfish and relish in it. Answering to nobody but yourself. I am grateful for the experiences I have had in my past because they make up who I am now. Had my last relationship never broken then whose to know if I would have found such connection to my music and singing again?
There is nothing more empowering. Giving yourself time to heal and fall back in love with yourself. Not relying on anybody else to make you feel better. They can’t do that for you you must take responsibility for your own happiness, taking it into your own hands. There are so many people that bounce from one relationship to the next - how can they ever find their true happiness? It takes courage to look deep within. Admit where you went wrong and build yourself back up again once you fall apart. I am living proof it is possible. I based way too much of myself on somebody else and when that stopped I came to a stop.
When faced with two options the answer was simple - you can settle because you feel unworthy, unloved, lonely and scared to spend the next lockdown alone by yourself? Or push for more, dare to be alone and push towards what you really want? Aligning your values with somebody who feels and wants the same things. Somebody who is also self-aware and capable of standing on their own two feet.
Do I miss my ex - not really, we outgrew each other after 7 long years together and many months of long distance our values changed and we grew apart - I am happy to admit that now, how it ended was horrible after investing a huge amount of time into somebody who was my best friend...do I miss our long term relationship - yes of course I miss having someone there most of all - someone to hold - but it's no reason to jump into another one. When somebody plays a huge part in your life it is inevitable to miss what you once had. I am happy for the lessons I learnt. I am happy being alone for now. I am happy dating and will continue to keep up self-love sundays even if I do get into a relationship again. Keep aside time just for you.
You may think I am being selfish - but I come across so many people who don't love themselves or feel they are 'enough.' Time and again I have out other people's needs above my own - perhaps a normal hospitality trait as we are used to serving others. This time around I pick love for me. I pick pushing myself in the direction I want to go in for once not following anybody else. Or sacrificing my career to keep my partner happy. I am lucky enough to stand on my own two feet right now and I want to make this time count, I am determined to push hard to get my life in the direction I want it to head - to keep pursuing what my heart desires. It won’t be for forever. I’m sure once I am in a relationship then again I will be faced with making sacrifices for the man I love, but I will make damn sure he is also willing to sacrifice - that we are on an even page - for now I am just me. Single, happy, ready to invite love into my life again but putting self-love as a number one priority above receiving love from anybody else just to make me feel good. Try it, tell me how it feels. Look in the mirror and treat yourself with some respect. Speak kindly to yourself. Your inner dialogue is your thoughts and conveys to your outer dialogue. We are in control of our minds and thoughts.
Being the best version of yourself – pouring that love in to you, into your mind, your body, then to emit that light all around you, to fill the positive aura around you that is what attraction is. That is what brings love, abundance, joy and opportunities. Lighting yourself is step number one. Once whole again then you can look to give outwards to others.
SO if you do love yourself then you can only attract better people around you. Do better things. Be a kinder human and in turn be a better soul on this planet. Practise self-love, feed & nourish your soul. I dare you to try it.
I encourage you - make self-love Sundays a thing - you won't regret it.
DM me - I want to know how you take care of yourself! What's your routine or self-love secret?